We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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