If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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