I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
