you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
