Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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