11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
