found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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