I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
