Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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