i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
