Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
