I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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