We won't sleep together?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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