1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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