are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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