At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
