so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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