also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
