she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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