I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
