Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am mentally ready for anal.
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