The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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