I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
