Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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