I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
