between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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