I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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