I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
