I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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