So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
