Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
