You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
where does the pee come out of this thing
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
