if i can run in heels then i can drive
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
