I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
