Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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