omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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