hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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