:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
