i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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