so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
