Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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