Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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