I just threw up on my dentist
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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