he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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