ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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