Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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