if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
