the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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