He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
