So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
